Listen to her preferences, and avoid any kind of pressuring or blame. Find ways to caress and soothe her without expecting sex until she shows interest.

Clearly, you still perceive yourself to be a lover – albeit a lover who is sadly imbued with longing and unrequited passion – but who do you think your wife perceives herself to be? Help her to feel special, attractive and loved. And one of the most powerful predictors of our level of desire is who we feel ourselves to be in the context of our partner. Poor body image and self-loathing are often responsible for lowered sexual interest. The insight you expressed in your last sentence may be the key, so you might do well to start there.